End of a decade

As most bloggers at this time of year, I’m writing my end of the year post but as you’re aware it’s also end of another decade!

I’m just going to briefly mention some key moments in the past 10 years 

2010 my little sister was born 
2011 I cut all contact with my dad and this was also the last time I saw my sister until 2019, also I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, which had a massive impact on my life, I missed out on so much because of this.
2012, I can’t really remember much from that year 
2013 I started working for Bluebell Woods Children Hospice and my grandad died of cancer
2014 I passed all my GCSE’s except science, I had dreadful science teachers. I also started my A levels 
2015 The best dog I’ve ever had passed away and my Nan moved to Scotland and I worked for Cex
2016 I was diagnosed with severe depression, the doctors thought it would be a good idea to give me different kinds and dosages of antidepressants in a short period time, I didn’t react well to this and tried to kill myself but luckily failed! A month or two later I met my wonderful boyfriend Aaron, I also started working for Maplin Electronics whilst still in full time education 
2017 I saw a counsellor for a few months, I didn’t like her at the time, but looking back, she really knew what she was on about. I completed my A levels, left my job at maplin in the September and started working for a popular mobile phone network, the worst job I ever had! But my Nan moved back to South Yorkshire again!
2018 I started the year with a Caribbean cruise, it was incredible! I left my job and started working for a popular uk energy company, which I also didn’t enjoy but it was good money. I then cut my entire family out of my life except my Nan, and I started renting a house with Aaron...

And that leaves 2019... 

This year has been my favourite year on earth EVER, I feel like I’ve accomplished so much and never felt as happy and saying that fills my heart with so much joy which means A LOT coming from someone who has suffered with depression and felt so much pain and sadness in the past 10 years especially! 

This year I started working in a job that I enjoy, I wake up each morning wanting to go to work and wanting to do overtime and I work with people that I feel like I actually connect with, also the money is good which is always a bonus!
In 6 months Aaron and I saved a deposit for a house (still looking for a house we love)
My little sister became part of my life again and in the short time she’s been back I already feel like I have a sister like bond with her and I love her to bits and it’s the best feeling, she’s so close and comfortable with Aaron too (she likes doing his makeup and he just lets her) and building a friendship with Alanya’s mum and step dad has been amazing too.
I still love living with Aaron, moving in together did change our relationship, we didn’t have any relationship problems before but we’re somehow closer and happier now living together and we’ve just celebrated our 4th Christmas together and this will also be our 4th New Years together! 

The biggest thing that happened this year for me was the change in myself mentally, I feel like I can be more involved in social events, I laugh more, I’m more unapologetically myself, I feel like I can actually let my hair down and not be tense around other people... basically I’m feeling confident for the first time, like I’m deserving to be apart of the conversation and that the people around me want my input and won’t judge me. I feel like I’m not a disappointment and the people around me want to see my successes no matter how big or small. I don’t feel depressed, I feel loved and happy. And this is the first New Years that I haven’t panicked about or questioned my existence and what I’m doing with life

My plans for 2020 are so exciting already and I’m buzzing for it all! We’re definitely buying a house next year, I’m starting my driving lessons in January, we’ve finished paying for our holiday for next year so all we have to do now is wait to go and I plan on having a boob job next year but this just depends on how much I can save next year and if we’ll need more money for the house or not, but ideally I would like to have them done in 2020. 

The terrifying but exciting part is the next 10 years... I have no idea what’s going to happen, maybe some marriage and kids or furbabies or both, who knows!

Anyway, I’m now off to start the new year dressed as a pirate wench for a murder mystery party! I hope 2020 is the best for you! I’m feeling some real positive vibes for this year and I’m going to be rubbing them on everyone!

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