No routine in quarantine

We’re all currently on lockdown and life is very strange for all of us at the moment! But I just wanted to talk about problems that I’m currently facing during lockdown, (Disclaimer: I’m extremely grateful for our key workers and I’m grateful to be able to stay home during this time, however I just want to share/write this to document, motivate myself and maybe to help someone who relates to this, so they know that they’re not alone in how they’re feeling) For those who don’t know me or haven’t read my previous blog posts, I have various mental health problems, which have improved significantly in the past couple of years, I felt almost ‘normal’ for a moment but of course Miss Corona had to come along and fuck shit up. The reason I’m mentioning this is because I’ve heard a lot of people talk about checking in on people (which I think is great) but I’m yet to hear anyone talk about people who are recovered or in recovery for agoraphobia, an Internet definition:

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by symptoms of anxiety in situations where the person perceives their environment to be unsafe with no easy way to escape. These situations can include open spaces, public transit, shopping centers, or simply being outside their home.

I think that definition briefly sums it up pretty well, so for years I would feel extremely anxious or have panic attacks on the daily due to having to leaving the house, I only felt calm when I was in my room or at my Nans house, (sometimes a close friends house once I knew my surroundings) but in the car driving to and from these houses I would be feeling extremely anxious, despite knowing where I was going and how long it would take (literally less than 10 minutes) at school I would be constantly anxious and uncomfortable, public places and transport was the worst and the thought of doing something nice like a trip to the seaside or going on holiday sounded like hell and just the thought of it would make me feel anxious. When I was 18 this started to improve and I would push myself out of my comfort zone and I’ve improved so much in the past 4 years, I still have my weird little habits, like going to the loo before leaving the house even if I don’t need to go but that doesn’t really bother me. How does this link with quarantine? Well, between ages 13-18 being in lockdown would have been perfect, but as someone who is in agoraphobia recovery (I say recovery as I do occasionally get nervous in public for no reason (prior to lockdown) but for the most part I would say I’m almost recovered) but since lockdown has begun I have discovered this awful, illness? Condition? Phobia? I’m not sure what to call it but that bitch is back too, Corona and agoraphobia just coming along to destroy my happiness. 
Being in the car, the supermarket or just going for a walk, I have this overwhelming feeling of anxiety, the same panic feeling that I used to have when I was younger. I’m not sure if this is happening due to having no control over the current situation, the fear of the coronavirus or the unknown for what lies ahead, or is it because I’m in quarantine, getting comfortable being inside all the time, giving old feelings and fears the opportunity to come back in my life as I’ve lost the previous structure that kept those emotions under control. It’s just strange to now be forced to stay inside after spending so long trying to be comfortable outside. 

I don’t know which is the right answer but nor do I care, I care about all those years I spent pushing myself to get better, I don’t want all that hard work to be done in vain.

So, I think I need a routine back in my life, not just getting up, doing a bit of cleaning, playing animal crossing, eating and then waiting for Aaron to come home so I can talk to someone.

I need a positive routine that will keep me moving throughout the day and get me out the house more (of course I will be following government/ WHO guidelines, I would never dream of putting other people/myself at risk) for the past couple of weeks I’ve probably left the house once or twice a week, so I’m going to push myself more to take advantage of that daily exercise we’re allowed! 

The reason I’m mentioning all this on here is because I’m going to upload posts on here (weekly) keeping track on how I’m feeling, improvements, struggles and just a general update of what I’m up to, because I’m one of those people that need something more than just an idea to motivate them. 

I’m open to suggestions and tips on how to improve my current situation/feelings, and suggestions on activities I can do, preferably ones that don’t involve food, as I have recently become slightly obsessed with making soup, which is extremely healthy but the homemade bread isn’t and I need to stop... or I could write a post sharing my favourite soup and bread recipes? Also, apologies that the below picture has Instagram text on it. 
I hope you’re all keeping safe and well! 

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